Introduction
Maintaining sobriety is a challenging journey that requires dedication, patience, and a great deal of self-control. While we know that self-control is not in itself a way for those suffering from addiction to stay sober, it plays a key role in how we maintain our daily lives. For those in recovery from substance abuse, the principles of Stoicism can offer valuable tools to build and practice self-control needed to live life on life’s terms.
There are countless scenarios where maintaining composure can help the recovering person from putting their sobriety in jeopardy. Here are a few self-control example scenarios that may be helpful.
Stressful situations can be especially dangerous as it can trigger the urge to drink as a coping mechanism. For example, Bob has lost his job. He is already living paycheck to paycheck and has many financial obligations looming. This can drive self-control issues as Bob becomes driven by fear about this financial situation. This may lead to lashing out at those close to him or other behaviors where he may lack self control.
Celebratory events can also challenge one’s resilience in recovery. Birthdays, weddings, or promotions were often celebrated with alcohol. Sally has just turned 40 and her sobriety date happens to fall on the same day. She happens to find herself alone in celebrating these milestones and the alcoholic in her thinks it may not hurt to celebrate with a drink or two (ironic I know but it happens). Our ability to practice self control even in the face of positive life events can help us maintain sobriety.
Lastly, arguments or conflicts with others can provoke fear and anger that may cause self control issues that lead us to drink. For example, Bill is a divorced parent of two. After Bill’s time with the children, the ex-wife always has something to complain about. A short list might include, he has not fed them well enough, he sends them home in raggedy clothes or it looks like they have not bathed the whole visit.
Bill knows he has fed them a balanced diet, that one time they happened to have been hiking before he dropped them off and they always bathe regularly. The self control issue may not always surface at the time of an argument or conflict when the danger presents itself. Later that day, the following day or even a week down the road, the situation can come to mind and consume one’s thoughts.
One night while already in a peevish mood, Bill remembers these criticisms begins to lack self control by getting angry and wanting to confront his ex-wife to defend his good parenting. That is the time Bill needs to practice self control to avoid behaviors he may regret including a relapse.
The Stoic Beliefs
Stoicism, an ancient Greek philosophy, teaches us how to cultivate inner strength and resilience in the face of life’s challenges. By integrating Stoic principles with the teachings of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), individuals can find a powerful combination to support their path to sobriety.
The Stoics believed that virtue (such as wisdom) is happiness and that our emotions are determined by our perception of events, not the events themselves. This philosophy is especially helpful for those in recovery, as it emphasizes the power of the mind to practice self control in mastering one’s reactions and behaviors.
Key stoic principles for self-control that are useful to study and practice are controlling what you can control (dichotomy of control), live according to nature and focusing on the present moment.
The Role of Self-Control in Sobriety
Sobriety requires a strong sense of self control. It’s about resisting the urge to give in to cravings, the stresses of life and making conscious choices that align with a sober lifestyle. This is where Stoic principles listed above can be particularly useful.
Control What You Can Control
In the context of recovery, this principle is about focusing on the things you can change and letting go of what you cannot. For instance, you cannot change the past or how others behave, but you can control your own actions and reactions. This can reduce feelings of frustration and helplessness, which are common triggers for relapse.
In Bob’s situation above, he has choices on how to react. He can become angry at the world, blame all his problems on the employer who fired him and take a seat on the “pity pot.” Or Bob can jump into action by starting to seek new employment and proactively reaching out to his creditors to see if there is any short-term relief available. By focusing on the latter, Bob has identified what is in his control and has committed to focusing on those items.
Epictetus reminds us “We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.” Our ability to focus on things within our control and stop wasting our precious energy on things beyond our control enables us to focus our energy on creating a better life in recovery.
Living According to Nature
Accepting life as it is, with all its imperfections and challenges, is crucial in maintaining sobriety. Instead of feeling victimized by your circumstances, embrace them as part of your journey. This is the same sentiment captured in the AA slogan “live life on life’s terms.”
In Bill’s case, he could remind himself that his ex-wife may be going through a lot of issues in her life and that he is an easy target for her to unload her emotions on. Or he may just need to accept that being critical of others is part of her make up and that he need not take it personally, especially when the criticisms are untrue. This acceptance can bring a sense of peace and reduce the emotional turmoil that often leads one to lack self control.
Focusing on the Present Moment
One of the key teachings of Stoicism is to focus on the present. Worrying about the future or regretting the past can lead to anxiety and stress. By staying present, you can better manage your emotions and make more thoughtful decisions. This aligns with the AA slogan, “One Day at a Time,” which encourages individuals to focus on staying sober just for today.
In AA literature, maintaining self control is framed as a daily practice. The importance of regular self-examination, prayer, and meditation is highlighted to ensure continued sobriety. One particular passage in the Big Book notes “What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.” (Chapter 6, “Into Action”)
In Sally’s situation, when her addictive tendencies start to surface, she might reflect on what the voices are telling her before taking any action. Upon reflection, she can recognize these thoughts for what they are and decide that her sobriety in this moment is more important than appeasing her disease. She may further decide that now is a good time to call a supportive friend or find a 12-Step meeting to attend.
Stoic Techniques to Practice Self- Control
The Stoics used negative visualization as a tool to avoid self control issues in the future. Negative visualization involves imagining the worst-case scenario to prepare yourself emotionally. For example, imagine the consequences of a relapse. This can strengthen your resolve to stay sober by highlighting the potential negative outcomes of giving in to cravings.
Another technique is to focus on what we can control and let go of what we cannot. The stoics referred to this concept as dichotomy of control. There are times when our thoughts are so scattered that it is difficult for us to differentiate what we can and cannot control in a situation.
The simplest approach here is to simply focus oneself in the moment and grab a blank sheet of paper and a pen or pencil. Draw a line down the middle of the page and label one side “Can Control” and the other “Cannot Control.” Go through each element of the situation and put it in one category or the other to get clarity.
If we want the short answer to this exercise for every situation, one can only control themselves and their response in the situation. That said, it can be good practice to put words to paper to reinforce these facts. By concentrating on your own responses, you reduce stress and increase your sense of agency.
Journaling can be another powerful technique to practice self-control. Like the exercise above, putting things on paper can be a powerful exercise. We write down our 4th Step inventory for the same reason. By writing things down, we can get all our thoughts and experiences out of our head which can be freeing.
It also gives us something tangible to refer to as we process what is happening with us. Journalling can allow one to track progress, understand triggers, and reinforce one’s commitment to sobriety. The stoics urged a daily self-examination. Working Step 10 in AA is this same practice. In the chapter on Step 10 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions we are encouraged to do the following, “When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid?”
Lastly, mindfulness and meditation are practices that help us stay present and manage our thoughts and emotions. Although listed last, being mindful may be the most important practice when it comes to self control.
Taking the time to really focus on what one is feeling and thinking right now before taking any actions on a given issue can keep us from saying or doing things we may regret. Many people simply react to whatever emotions arise in a situation.
For example, Bill may be feeling defensive or angry at his ex-wife’s criticisms. He may have been predisposed to being angry and argumentative in the past. Rather than getting angry, listing all her failings as a mother or making hurtful comments about her being an unfit mother, Bill may take a moment in silence to process his thoughts.
By doing this, he may remind himself that she is and may always be critical of him and that although it feels personal it is really her issue and nothing, he needs to defend himself about. Bill can walk away having accepted the situation and not made things worse by acting negatively on the emotions that were stirred up.
This is an example of how we can benefit from the practice of self control. He also gets the benefit of not having to make amends for his behavior as he practices the 10th Step!
Conclusion
The journey to sobriety is not easy, but by integrating Stoic principles with the teachings of AA, you can build a strong foundation for lasting recovery. Stoicism offers valuable tools for developing self control, managing emotions, and finding inner peace. By focusing on what you can control, accepting the natural flow of life and living in the present moment, one can strengthen their resolve and maintain sobriety.
Remember, as Marcus Aurelius tells us, “You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
Resources
Scientific Study of the Impact of Self-Control on Well Being
Another scientific article on the Significance of Self-Control
Written By Tony Harte
