A Deeper Understanding of Denial in Addiction: Understanding and Overcoming It 

 Breaking free from denial is a critical but often complex step for those suffering from addictions. We see denial in all aspects of our lives. It is simply refusing to believe something true. For example, someone may have received multiple traffic violations and been at fault in four auto accidents, yet when someone says they are a lousy driver, they scoff at the thought. A common lighthearted saying is, “Denial, it is not a river in Egypt!”

Many who are suffering never reach recovery as their denial is too great for them to overcome. Nobody wants to admit they have lost control of their substance use and behavior; however, it is the desire to be in control that prolongs our suffering. In this article, we will dig deeper into the causes of the nonacceptance of having an addiction and outline various strategies for effectively addressing it.

To effectively overcome this hurdle in those who have an addiction, a nuanced approach is required that considers the underlying motivations behind the denial. Refusing to admit we have a problem is the strongest lock keeping us in the prison of addiction, and once we accept reality, we have turned the key to unlocking the path to lasting recovery.

A Deeper Understanding of Denial

In psychology, denial is recognized as a defense mechanism. Sigmund Freud, the Austrian neurologist and founder of psychoanalysis, was the first to define and explore its role in human behavior. One of his descriptions of denial is: “Denial is a way of making something more bearable by excluding it from reality in one’s mind.”

As you might guess from Freud’s quote, a defense mechanism is a way that our minds unconsciously protect us from anxiety, stress, and other uncomfortable feelings. The simplest way to look at it is that our minds alter our sense of reality because facing reality is too painful.

Defense Mechanisms

 Defense Mechanisms can show themselves in many different forms. Here are a few common forms:
Denial – Refusing to accept reality. (i.e., I do not have a drinking problem.)
Repression: The mind pushes distressing thoughts out of awareness.
Projection – Blaming feelings on another (i.e., accusing someone else of being made when we are mad.)

Rationalization – Using logical-sounding excuses instead of facing the actual reason (i.e., I drink less than Bill, so I cannot be an alcoholic.)

Reaction Formation—Acting the opposite way than we feel (e.g., when confronted about drinking, we think shame but get angry.)

Compartmentalization – The process of separating conflicting aspects of ourselves in our minds (e.g., “I am a good parent/worker, so I cannot have a drinking problem.”)

Could you relate to any of these defense mechanisms? I used all of them as I was wrestling with admitting my addiction. As you can see, our minds are sophisticated in how they have developed to protect us from discomfort.

Why is denial so strong in addiction?

One of the drivers for denial of addiction is a lack of understanding or awareness of what addiction is and what the symptoms are. Some individuals may be entirely ignorant of the nature of addiction, while others may hold onto false beliefs about what it means to have an addiction.

Also, comparative thinking is a common way we might measure the level of our problem with substance abuse. We might look at a co-worker or a neighbor and note that they drink much more than we do, so if anything, they have alcoholism. This thinking may stem from ignorance or denial; we might suspect we have a problem but use comparison to avoid facing reality.

Another cause for not accepting the truth is that we do not want to stop our addictive behaviors. Addiction can become deeply intertwined with a person’s identity, making it challenging to imagine life without it. Maybe we are the life of the party or the person who is always up for a good time, and we do not want to give up these associations. As we relate to addiction as a part of ourselves, it is essential to address denial head-on with compassion and honesty.

Lastly, if the addiction once brought pleasure or served as a coping mechanism, we may be resistant to letting it go. Fear of facing life’s challenges without the substance or behavior to rely on can also contribute to denial.

What To Do About Denial?

This section is for family, friends, and others who may care about someone who has a substance abuse issue. Effectively addressing denial in individuals with addiction requires the use of several strategic approaches. Building trusting relationships is crucial, as it encourages openness and reduces defensiveness.

Although you have likely already done this, expressing your concern to the person is the first step. Depending on what has happened to get to this point, you may be angry at the person, disappointed, or concerned. While it may be difficult, you want to approach the person with care and concern. An angry confrontation or shaming will likely have the opposite impact.

Sharing specific examples of the harm they have done is often helpful in these situations, as those who have an addiction usually believe they are only hurting themselves. Delivering this information in a factual and non-emotional way is the most effective. For example, you might note that they missed several days of work or have missed events with your children as a result of their drinking.

As mentioned above, denial can be a result of not understanding the nature of addiction and what its symptoms are. First, if you are unfamiliar with it, you can check out other articles on this site or research other online resources. Additionally, there are addiction treatment centers in nearly every city if you want to sit with a professional to learn more.

After educating yourself, you can encourage the person to learn more themselves or join you for an appointment with a professional to learn more. Do not be discouraged if the person becomes defensive and refuses. Overcoming denial often takes several different approaches to break through.

While expressing concern and becoming educated may be helpful, neither is likely to put a dent in strong denial; however, they can set the stage for further action. For me, it took a DUI, time in jail, a car crash that injured a good friend, and another car crash that could have easily taken my life to break through the denial. The deeply addicted person typically requires a life-altering experience to break free from denial.

In a situation where you have repeatedly expressed concern as constructively as possible and there is no acknowledgment of an issue, a professionally led intervention is an option to escalate. Typically, this involves a small group of people who care about the person and can share their concerns in a controlled environment.

Therapists have several gentle confrontation techniques to challenge beliefs without provoking resistance. Reflective listening and asking open-ended questions help individuals explore their ambivalence and confront inconsistencies in their beliefs and behaviors.

Interventions highlight the consequences of addiction on various aspects of their lives, such as physical health, relationships, finances, and mental well-being, and encourage individuals to confront the reality of their situation. If repeated attempts to overcome denial have failed, you may need to take a more direct approach and address the denial head-on using what is known as “Tough Love.”

Tough Love might include setting boundaries with real consequences that are meaningful to the one suffering from addiction. For example, if you do not stop drinking immediately, the kids and I are leaving, and I am filing for divorce. Giving ultimatums is not an ideal approach, but it is sometimes required.

Wrapping It Up

In conclusion, addressing denial in those facing addictions is a multifaceted process that requires patience, empathy, and perseverance. By employing various strategies and interventions, addiction counselors can help individuals overcome denial, gain insight into their addiction, and take meaningful steps toward recovery and healing. In 12-step programs, it is often said, “Recovery is not for people who need it; it is for people who want it,” and overcoming denial is the first step toward wanting recovery.

Shifting from denial to acceptance is a journey fraught with challenges and complexities, but courage and determination to face uncomfortable emotions will prevail if we persist. Replacing alcohol with a 12-step treatment program provides us with a much better-coping mechanism to navigate life.

For those dealing with the denial of a loved one, you cannot control this process either. It is frustrating and maddening, but we can only control our actions. An ancient Stoic philosopher, Marcus Aurelius, reminds us, “You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

If you have a family, you may need to make difficult decisions to protect them physically, financially, or in other ways, depending on the circumstances. I highly recommend you attend an Al-Anon meeting. Al-Anon was created to support families dealing with a loved one’s addiction, offering valuable wisdom and encouragement to those who attend.

For us with addiction issues, the journey begins with a single step. It is a path of courage and vulnerability, where we must confront our deepest fears and insecurities to transform and grow. This step makes us emerge stronger, wiser, and more resilient than ever. Suddenly, we begin to reclaim our lives and rewrite our stories.

Resources:

Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation – Home Page

Addiction Center – Denial Overview