The Serenity Prayer: Meaning, Origins & Its Role in 12-Step Recovery (AA)
The Serenity Prayer is commonly used in 12-step programs. There is good reason that prayer has become beloved and endured as a powerful yet simple tool we can use at any time. Ever get frustrated and need to take deep breaths and change your perspective? The Serenity Prayer could be your answer. Since it is easily memorized and applied in seconds, it is a staple in recovery and beyond. It is my most used and favorite tool.
Its concise expression of wisdom offers guidance and comfort to those facing life's challenges, especially those in 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). This article explores its origins, historical significance, the meaning of its elements, and its role in 12-step recovery programs. The prayer as it is recited today reads:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference. "
The Historical Origins of the Serenity Prayer: Reinhold Niebuhr and Beyond
The roots of the Serenity Prayer trace back to the early 20th century and are commonly attributed to American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, who is believed to have composed it around 1932–1933. Niebuhr's prayer originally appeared in a longer form than the version most are familiar with today. The original version was as follows:
"God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other."
However, the prayer's earlier origins are a subject of debate. Some scholars suggest that it draws from various religious and philosophical traditions, echoing sentiments found in Greek Stoicism, early Christian teachings, and Jewish rabbinical literature. Late in his life, Reinhold admitted that he was unsure if he had penned it or adapted it from another source. Regardless, I am happy to attribute authorship in this form to him.
How the Serenity Prayer Became a Staple in AA and 12-Step Programs
The prayer began to gain widespread popularity in the 1930s and 1940s in its abbreviated form. At this point, The Serenity Prayer was brought to the attention of AA by an early member named Jack. According to AA history, Jack spotted the prayer in 1941 in a New York newspaper obituary. He found it aligned with the principles of AA and brought it to the group.
The prayer had an instant impact on Bill Wilson, a co-founder of AA. He immediately recognized its relevance to the AA philosophy. Key elements in overcoming addiction to alcohol are acceptance, courage, and wisdom, which are the focus of the prayer. In a letter by Bill in 1950, he recalls the experience and his succinct thoughts on the prayer, "One of the fellows sent me a clipping from a New York paper that contained the prayer. He had been struck by it and thought we ought to use it. Never had we seen so much AA in so few words."
Alcoholics Anonymous began printing the Serenity Prayer on cards and distributing them to members to emphasize its relevance. This helped solidify its role in AA meetings and traditions. Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs adopted the Serenity Prayer in the 1940s, and it has been recited in most meetings ever since.
Understanding the Core Elements: Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom
In this section, we will examine each prayer portion in more detail to develop a deeper understanding of its meaning and application in recovery.
Serenity: Accepting What You Cannot Change in Recovery
The first line of the prayer asks for serenity to accept unchangeable circumstances. In this context, serenity goes beyond mere calmness; it implies a deep, enduring acceptance and the ability to keep things in perspective when facing life's uncontrollable aspects. When we encounter things we cannot control, it is unproductive to fight against them or wish they were different.
Twelve-step programs emphasize acceptance—recognizing one's powerlessness over addiction and accepting life on one's terms. If we have taken the first step and retake it daily, we understand what acceptance is, although it is not necessarily magical and instant. Sometimes, we fight our powerlessness, and that is a perfect example of when to use prayer.
Courage: Taking Action to Change What You Can
The prayer then shifts to requesting courage to change what can be altered. There are often situations we can control, but it takes our actions that may be uncomfortable. Although we control a situation, fears and anxieties may block us from acting to remedy the problem.
For example, my drinking and drugging buddies were lifelong friends that I had known since grade school. These guys were just about my only friends before recovery. Severing those relationships and choosing sobriety took courage that I did not always have at the time. I know I had to change people, places, and things, but it was initially challenging and lonely as I developed new relationships. I knew what was best for me but often leaned on prayer to build the courage to take action.
When we say the Serenity Prayer, we ask for the courage to overcome our fears and take the necessary action to protect ourselves. In my example, the first two parts of the prayer were applicable. I could not change my friend's behaviors or issues, so I had to accept that and ask for the courage to remove them from my life.
Wisdom: Discerning the Difference for Effective Recovery
Ultimately, the prayer seeks wisdom to differentiate between what can and cannot be changed. Asking for this wisdom is the most essential part of the prayer. If we cannot determine what is and is not in our control, we cannot appropriately apply acceptance or courage.
We often have big egos and believe that we should be able to control everything in our lives. The reality is that even the most influential people in the world do not fully control their lives. Natural disasters, the death of loved ones, and hereditary health issues are universally uncontrollable.
Having wisdom also means having and practicing humility. We need to be open, objective, and humble as we examine each situation to determine whether we have any control or not. If the wisdom we seek is not clearly presenting itself, we may take the extra step of asking our sponsor or 12-step group for help. The wisdom granted was that we needed help.
The Connection: Stoicism and the Serenity Prayer's Principles
As we read in the origins section, the ideas in the prayer could be linked to Stoicism. Whether they are directly connected to the prayer's origin or not, the concepts definitely mirror one another. While we may not recognize it as Stoicism, the ancient Stoics are responsible for many of our modern psychology and thought processes.
Stoic Acceptance: Aligning with the Serenity Prayer
While the Stoics did not use prayer to ask for serenity and acceptance, they are in direct alignment with the need for both in living a fulfilling life. Epictetus famously said, "We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them." What do we need to choose how we respond? We need to accept our powerlessness so we do not respond in a way that causes us more discomfort. To gain this acceptance, we need some level of serenity and humility.
Stoic Courage: Taking Control of Your Mind
In a similar quote, Marcus Aurelius, a Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher, wrote, "You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." The courage here is exercising the power over our minds by not letting fear or anxiety stand in the way of taking the right action. The Stoics believed in living a virtuous life and knew that upholding one's virtues often conflicted with real-life situations. When these conflicts arise, we need courage to stick to our virtues, although there may be negative consequences.
Stoic Wisdom: Seeking Objective Truth
The Stoics valued and accepted the seeking of wisdom as an integral part of a lifelong journey. They regarded wisdom as the chief virtue, and one aspect of wisdom is assessing a situation objectively and applying experience and knowledge to decide how to act appropriately.
Once again, the Stoics did not look to God to grant their wisdom but understood the need to develop and apply wisdom. To this end, they kept an open mind, leaving the door open for wisdom to enter. When we say The Serenity Prayer, we open ourselves to gaining wisdom. As Epictetus reminds us, "A man can't learn what he thinks he already knows."
The Enduring Power of the Serenity Prayer in Daily Life and Recovery
The Serenity Prayer contains timeless wisdom in three simple lines. When it is said that "less is more," look no further than this prayer as the ultimate example. It is the most powerful tool in our recovery toolbox outside of refusing to take that first drink. If I had a nickel for each time I have recited it, I would have a nice nest egg.
AA has embraced it for its powerful message and simplicity, as Keep It Simple is another slogan critical to overcoming addiction. Whether we say it in a meeting or say it to ourselves when alone, The Serenity Prayer offers much-needed strength and guidance as we tackle life's challenges.
Resources
AA History - Alcoholics Anonymous
Written By Tony Harte
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