How did Step 2 go? For some, especially agnostics and atheists, it can be a significant challenge. But as we move into Step 3, we see that 12-step programs provide a broad doorway for us to enter. It allows anyone with a desire to stop drinking—and an open mind—to take this critical step.

Step 3 reads: “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”

 Overcoming the “God” Barrier

Like innumerable people with substance abuse issues, that capital “G” may immediately throw up barriers. I encourage you to read through this with an open mind because AA is not pushing “the big guy” on anyone. We are in complete control when defining our personal “God as we understand him.”

For the Stoics, God or a Higher Power would have been defined as “Logos.” Logos is the rational order woven into everything, the reason the seasons turn and wounds heal and chaos eventually settles into pattern. Not a God we petition. Not a force we bargain with. Something more like a current running through all things, including us, whether we acknowledge it or not.

Surrendering to logos wasn’t an act of defeat—it was the recognition that we were already part of something larger and more intelligent than our own anxious planning. We don’t have to believe in it. It’s operating anyway.

Marcus Aurelius, Emperor and Stoic philosopher, teaches us: “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” Think about that: if you see the word “God” as a barrier to the program, perhaps navigating that barrier is exactly the “way” to your recovery.

How Does Stoicism Define a ‘True Decision’ in Recovery?

We all believe we know what a decision is. We make hundreds of them daily. However, deciding on Step 3 requires more soul-searching than choosing your outfit for the day.

The Stoics would have had little patience for decisions that live only in our head. Intention without action wasn’t a choice—it was a wish dressed up in serious clothing. Epictetus didn’t say think about what kind of person we want to be. He said be it, now, in this moment, with what’s in front of us. A decision, in that framework, is just the instant our values stop being philosophy and start being behavior. Anything before that is rehearsal.

As Tony Robbins says, ”A real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken a new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.” Deciding is not just a mental exercise. Much like Step 1, practicing this Step and renewing our decision daily reinforces the actions we need to take that day. If I say I’ve decided to be sober but I’m still hanging out in bars, I haven’t made a decision—I’ve made a wish.

What is the Stoic Perspective on Surrendering Self-Will?

The Stoic Definition of Surrender: In Stoicism, surrender is not defeat; it is the active alignment of the individual will (Prohairesis) with the natural order (Logos). It is the recognition of the Dichotomy of Control.

Step 3 is about surrendering control. It’s acknowledging that we can’t manage everything on our own. This requires trust and humility—two things we often lacked in active addiction. Essentially, we are saying, “I need help, and I am willing to accept it.”

In the rooms, we often use the term “self-will run riot.” If we look at our lives objectively, can we honestly say we did a great job managing things on our own? While we may resist giving up control out of habit, can a “God as we understood him” do any worse job than we did?

From a Stoic perspective, surrender isn’t weakness—it’s precision. The Stoics didn’t ask us to go limp; they asked us to stop wasting energy trying to steer a river with our hands. What we control is narrow, almost embarrassingly so: our attention, our response, our next small action. Everything else was never ours to begin with.

If we are hung up on the word “God,” remember it is just a placeholder. Many start by using the AA group as their higher power. There is even a common acronym for this:

G – Group

O – Of

D – Drunks

Practical Application: How Do I Actually “Work” Step 3?

To a degree, you started this in Step 1 when you became willing to be dependent on AA. Making the decision means stating that we are willing to turn our will and lives to a higher power. It’s like planting a seed. You have to water it, protect it from harm, and ensure it gets light.

The Daily Routine of Surrender:

Identify the Ego: The real work is a daily commitment to keep self-will in the background. It starts with knowing when your self-will is imposing itself on your thoughts.

The Hand-Off: Once identified, turn it over. It can be as simple as saying, “Thy will be done, not mine.” If you have to utter this 100 times a day, do it.

Counter the Resistance: Your ego will fight for control. Counter this by practicing mindfulness—recognizing thoughts without judgment.

Be Vocal: Share your struggles in AA meetings. You are not alone, and hearing how others manage their “stinking thinking” makes the journey easier.

The Stoic Perspective: Seeking a Model

Stoicism primarily focuses on self-reliance, but surrendering aligns perfectly with Stoic thinking when you look at the Dichotomy of Control. We were powerless over alcohol (Step 1). It takes courage to admit that and move toward a source of objective guidance.

Seneca, in his letters to Lucilius, noted: “Choose someone whose way of life as well as words… have won your approval. Be always pointing him out to yourself either as your guardian or as your model.” Step 3 asks us to use a “model”—whether that’s Jesus, Buddha, a group of sober drunks, or the Stoic Sages—to shape our actions.

We aren’t asking a higher power to run our lives while we sit on the couch; we are asking for a source of guidance to help us align our actions with virtue. As the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions book notes: “The more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent we become.”

Final Thoughts: The Stoic Path to Lasting Sobriety

Recovery is rarely a straight line; it is an ongoing practice of aligning our will with reality. By integrating the timeless wisdom of the Stoics—Epictetus’s clarity on control, Seneca’s emotional resilience, Cato’s unwavering integrity, and Marcus Aurelius’s mindful perspective—we transform the 12 Steps from a checklist into a philosophy of life.

The “way” forward isn’t about perfect execution, but about the consistent application of these virtues to our daily struggles. Whether you are at Step One or Step Twelve, remember that your character is built in the small, quiet choices you make every single day. You aren’t just staying sober; you are reclaiming your agency and building a life worth living.

Are you ready to move on to Step 4? If yes, get started here.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I do Step 3 if I don’t believe in God? Absolutely. Many people use the AA group itself, nature, or the “Great Outdoors” as their power. The requirement is willingness, not a specific theology.

What if I “take back” my will an hour after surrendering it? That’s normal. Most of us do. The “success” of Step 3 is in the awareness of when you’ve taken it back and the willingness to turn it over again.

Is surrendering the same as being weak? In Stoicism and AA, surrender is an act of supreme strength. It takes more courage to admit powerlessness and seek guidance than it does to keep fighting a losing battle on your own.