Progress Not Perfection: Recovery is a Journey

It does not take much time for a typical newcomer to the AA rooms to hear the phrase “progress not perfection.” There is a simple reason this phrase is used freely and frequently; it is the ONLY way to get from point A to point B in recovery or life. No matter how brilliant, how hard one works, or how many shortcuts we are enticed by, we get better one day at a time in tiny increments.

At first, it might seem like just another overused slogan and even seem patronizing to some, but as we continue our journey, it dawns on us how powerful and essential this concept truly is. For newcomers, understanding and embracing “progress not perfection” can be the key to setting manageable expectations.

The Challenge of Balancing Sobriety with Life’s Demands

Getting sober is hard. It requires focus, determination, and a willingness to change. But getting sober isn’t just about putting down the bottle or stepping away from drugs. It’s about rebuilding our lives, piece by piece. That’s a big job and even bigger when we consider all the other responsibilities we may face in life – work, family, school, friendships, and more.

As newcomers, there is already a lot to deal with. It’s normal to want to do everything right, to make up for lost time, and to prove to yourself and others that you can handle this new way of living. But trying to be perfect—especially in the early days—can set us up for failure.

For many, the pursuit of perfection was a driver of our drinking. After trying to achieve the impossible ideals expected of us by ourselves or others, we feel like failures with the accompanying feelings of shame and worthlessness, so we dove into the bottle to give up and tend our wounds.

The Dangers of Perfectionism in Sobriety

Perfectionism is the idea that one must be flawless in everything we do. It’s a mindset that says if you’re not perfect, you’re not good enough. This way of thinking can be particularly dangerous for someone in recovery. Perfectionism can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and inadequacy—emotions that can easily trigger a relapse.

Social media and marketing play a huge role in fueling perfectionism. Every time we scroll through Instagram or Facebook, we’re bombarded with images of people who seem to have it all together. Social media is a highlight reel, not real life. It’s important to remember that what you see online is often handpicked and filtered to present an idealized version of life that isn’t attainable or sustainable.

The pressure to measure up to these unrealistic standards can be crushing for someone in early recovery. We might start to feel like we’re failing at sobriety if we’re not also hitting the gym every day, eating a perfect diet, or landing that dream job right away. But sobriety is a journey, not a destination, requiring patience, self-compassion, and a realistic approach to progress.

Another aspect of perfectionism that can hinder our progress is the sort of paralysis it can create. Have you ever thought about taking up a new hobby or doing some Do-It-Yourself project, and a little voice in your head said, “You cannot do that. It is harder than you think, and you do not know how to do it” or “If you commit to doing this and don’t get it right, people will judge you?”

It’s the same thing for going out, trying new activities, or enjoying different experiences; if we cannot do it perfectly, then why risk any negative feelings that may result? I have found reminding myself of this quote from former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt: “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do” is incredibly liberating.

What does progress not perfection mean in AA?

The concept of “progress not perfection,” is about permitting yourself to be human. It’s about recognizing that change takes time and that we don’t have to have everything figured out all at once. It’s okay to make mistakes, stumble, and setbacks. What matters is that we keep moving forward, even if it’s just one small step at a time.

In AA, progress is measured by your willingness to keep showing up, doing the work, and trying, even when it’s hard. It’s not about getting everything right; it’s about learning from our experiences and continuing to grow. Progress might look like attending meetings regularly, reaching out to our sponsor when we’re struggling, or simply choosing not to drink for one more day. Each of these actions is a step forward, and each one counts.

It’s also important to remember that progress is not linear. Some days, you’ll feel like you’re making huge strides; others, you might feel like you’re barely holding on. That’s normal. This is a process, and it’s one that unfolds in its own time. There’s no rush to get to the finish line because, in truth, there is no finish line. Sobriety is a lifelong journey, and it requires ongoing effort and attention.

Balancing Sobriety with Life’s demands

In today’s world, we’re constantly bombarded with messages about what we should be doing, how we should look, and what it means to be successful. These messages can create much pressure, especially for someone who is trying to stay sober. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that we need to be perfect in every area of our lives to succeed in recovery.

But the truth is, our sobriety is the most important thing. Without it, all the other aspects of our life—work, relationships, health—can fall apart. That’s why it’s so important to prioritize our recovery above all else. This might mean saying no to certain activities, setting boundaries with people who don’t support our sobriety, or simply giving ourself permission to rest and take care of ourself.

Remembering that we don’t have to do everything at once is also helpful. Recovery is about taking things one day at a time. We don’t have to fix everything immediately. It’s okay to focus on our sobriety first and let the other pieces of our lives fall into place gradually.

When we feel overwhelmed by societal pressures or the demands of life, it can be helpful to remind ourself of the Serenity Prayer, which is a cornerstone of AA: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” This prayer is a powerful tool for letting go of the need to control everything and focusing on what really matters— sobriety.

Self-Compassion: The Key to Lasting Progress

One of the most important things we can do for ourself in recovery is to practice self-compassion. This means being kind to yourself, especially when you make mistakes or fall short of your expectations. Recovery is hard, and it’s okay to struggle. What’s important is that we don’t give up on ourself.
Self-compassion is about treating ourself with the same kindness and understanding we would offer to a friend who is going through a tough time. It’s about recognizing that we’re doing your best, and that’s enough. When we approach our recovery with self-compassion, we’re more likely to stay motivated, resilient, and committed to your sobriety.

It’s also helpful to remember that self-compassion doesn’t mean lowering our standards or giving up on our goals. It means acknowledging that change takes time and that it’s okay to be a work in progress. By focusing on progress, not perfection, we’re giving yourself the space to grow, learn, and become the best version of ourself—one step at a time.

Conclusion: Embrace the Journey

In the end, “progress, not perfection” is about embracing the journey of recovery with all its ups and downs. It’s about letting go of the need to be perfect instead of focusing on the small steps that add to significant changes over time. As a newcomer to sobriety, you’re already doing something courageous and challenging. Don’t let the pressure to be perfect take away from your progress.

Remember, recovery is a lifelong journey that unfolds in its own time. Be patient with yourself, stay connected to your support system, and keep moving forward, one day at a time. You don’t have to be perfect to live a happy, healthy, and sober life. All you need is the willingness to keep trying and the courage to keep going. Progress not perfection, is the key to lasting sobriety and a fulfilling life.

 Resources

Mary Von Ohlen – Holistic Recovery – Talk on Progress Not Perfection